katiejameson's Journal [entries|friends|calendar] katiejameson [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[16 Nov 2009|04:33pm] I'm not the type of girl to compete for anything. Not a trophy or an a plus. So competing for a boy isn't something that I am remotely interested in. I believe that you want to be my friend. And I believe that there is some part of you, (and how big that part is, is still up in the air) that likes me. But I am not going to sit around and wait. And I'm not going to pull out all the stops to make you realise what you are missing out on. I'm at the point in my life where I don't really care. Complications and drama are not something that I seek. You either like me or you don't.  I think you are afraid that you could actually like me.  I think you are afraid that would mean you would have to give up your love of "the chase"  And if you don't than that's okay.  I am so okay with being alone But I ask of you  Just don't hold me like you do, dont cuddle, dont touch and don't make me feel like an idiot. Cause inguring my pride and social awkwardness are things I can't really take at this point.  And I think that we could be really good friends smack that.

no matter what happens [03 Nov 2009|12:47pm] i know i tried my best to be a really good person, and a really good friend. and thats all that matters 1 | smack that.

[10 Oct 2009|02:22am] [ mood | time to make moves... ] i have never in my life not been able to come up with something to say. 3 days in a row. im blank. when im around you its as if my tongue has been completely severed. i cant tell if i love it or hate it. but i need to put some words together soon or you are gonna find someone who can. smack that.

[30 Sep 2009|12:40pm] i guess all that matters is that i am happy which i am, i dont want it to seem like i am not. as long as i know who i am, and as long as im not in la la land i am going to be fine. im just going to be myself. no games no competition. just being happy. its worked so far. smack that.

it gives me chills [21 Sep 2009|07:50am] [ mood | creeped out ] the following was taken from a horoscope for MY exact Birthdate. January 5th i might give the impression of being disorganized because i always seem to be in a hurry and am a rapid-fire conversationalist, but i am really a brilliant person. (ummm ok because i cant function when things are all in order not to mention the way my stuff looks disorganized is actually the way my brain remembers things...this might be why i cant find anything when my stuff is clean) In friendships i look for people who can communicate as well as they can love. i need friends who have opinions minds of their own, and who are not afraid to share them, even if they are different than mine. (I CANT be friends with people who dont talk to me about things, example...every friendship i have ever had that has gone sour, almost all of my best friends do not have the same stand points as me, but its why i love them, i love the fact that my friends are different then me, i learn so much from them i wouldnt have it any other way) In love; i am always going to attract people whom a long term relationship is absolutely impossible, and when i finally do settle down, i am always going to get bored and want the next thing. (THE BAIN OF MY FUCKING EXISTENCE, it just makes me mad, because i thought that the boredom part would go away...so that SUCKS ) i am not adaptable to parenting and i am not very comfortable around the thought of children but when i make an effort with them i seem to have an "easy time" with it. (i always new i wasnt cut out for parenting, i dont know how to act around children...) if i dont exersize i might go crazy because i need my it to level out my equilibrium between my phisical and mental wellness(lets just say, when im not exersizing, im pretty sure i convince myself i am dying of a different disease that no one knows about...probably 2-3 times a day....its not even a joke) i will probably not pay attention to the things going into my body so im probably going to need suppliments at somepoint to regain the strenght that i have lost from my poor choices(hahahah) Its my goal to express the world as i see it. i am fascinated by small details and large events. i strive to learn more about the world, even though educational goals may not be a part of the picture for them, they never stop being students no matter what(This author IS SO DEAD ON its haunting) i need to learn how to embrace Tenacity, friendliness, harmony more (serra told me 3 months ago, that if i dont learn how to be more hard headed, "tenacious" im going to have people walk all over me forever...) and i need to avoid Boredom, pressure, complaints. (think about the only times i make poor choices, get crazy, or want to break down....) smack that.

my auto biography [19 Sep 2009|12:21am] stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid 1 | smack that.

holloween 2009 [11 Sep 2009|02:19am] [ mood | happy and tired ] i am so excited to make this! you have no idea! smack that.

yeah you've got that somethinnn [29 Aug 2009|03:17pm] [ mood | sad ] theres this half of me, and for some reason maybe more, who wants to surrender from this shell that i have formed over the past 5 years. im sick of the game. im sick of playing the fool im sick of treating people like they are objects/and thus being one in return. i feel like its so easy for everyone else to just settle and "be" with someone else. is it wrong that my willingness to settle for just ANYONE is virtually non existant? im the most independent person i know. i dont NEED anyone around to be happy. im not lonely. but i just want someone there. not even for the sex. just there, and mine. someone that can hold my hand. i wish i wasnt so damn picky. smack that.

so many things [03 Aug 2009|03:28am] i havent written in a while. its so strange how everything can change. I am so happy Its amazing. 1. got my feet tattooed. (not finished yet) 2. moved out of my Shitty living situation. 3. got my mom to give me 1/2 of my dads estate that he left me 4. paid off my credit card. and im now out of debt 5. Moved into THE coolest apartment ever. I seriously can be as loud as i want. and i can walk EVERYWHERE theres seriously nothing i need to use my car for besides going to work. 6. GOT THE CUTEST CAT EVER! Jude Air PiPiopi Carlos Jameson 7. Got a disneyland pass. and now thats all i do. 8. started smoking Alot of weed. 9. got suspended from work. probably cause i am too high all the time. (go figure) 10. and aquired really fucking badass friends in the process. im seriously so happy. its retarded now all i need is a hand to hold and things will be perfect smack that.

[02 Aug 2009|05:01pm] I'm trying to be brave 'cause when I'm brave other people feel brave but I feel like my heart is caving in on another note. Brandon...Please don't forget to breathe. ok thanks. <3 smack that.

im gonna whine [27 Jun 2009|04:14am] i havent drank in 3 days. i havent had a cig in 3 days. i havent had sex in 15 days.(which is fine, i can totaly deal with that but....)i havent even made a wish in 12 days because i went on tour and i havent been alone since. I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO EXPLODE. smack that.

[13 Jun 2009|07:05am] got my tattoo for my dad and i love it. smack that.

[09 Jun 2009|03:11pm] well i woke up at 2 pm hah. :-) smack that.

[09 Jun 2009|03:20am] i do things that an empty girl would do. however i am quite the contrary. i am full. i do things that a depressed person would do but...the exact opposite, i am really happy. i wish i knew what i wanted to do with my life i wish i had direction i wish fucking around wasnt an option i wish i could tell you i love you i wish you would say it back. im just going to do my puzzle. watch netflix and pretend im going to wake up before 4pm tomorrow so i can get another 9 to 5 and distract myself from the things i "wish" would happen. 4 | smack that.

life [26 May 2009|03:47am] life has been SO simple recently i wake up whenever i want i go to work i come home and i go out. and then wash and repeat if needed. i get to see Bre ALL the time now which is a throw back to 2 years ago when i could just be me and stupid and farty and boy-ish all the time and i love it. more than you could ever know. ive become A LOTTTTTT closer to all of the boys at ginas and it gives me alot to do when im not working there. ... it never fails that during these next 14 weeks i will probably be a mess. my mom tells me its my yearly phase when i freak out about my dad i can go all year without crying and then for no reason someone can say anything and its not even emotional but tears will start rolling down my face its like perminant pms . i was thinking that this year might be the one that i spread ashes. july 21st. nonz. b. bean. and shas would be the only people i would feel comfortable with in doing this. but im thinking that that will be the day i do it since its the anniversary. maybe lindsey cause she was there last year too. its a tuesday which is awkward maybe i can find a better time schedualing something so morbid is pretty retarded. i just want my shot of jameson and to keep on truckin.. another year and i feel like i have become a better person then the one past. personal growth is essential at this point. xoxo gossip girl 1 | smack that.

hahahhaha [25 May 2009|03:02am] you think you know people.... well... I know. so stop pretending. smack that.

,,,, [19 May 2009|01:00pm] [ mood | curious ] I just want to figure out how he met their god damnd mother... smack that.

[10 May 2009|02:37am] LA LA LA im so bored with life right now. i cant wait for summmerrrrrr i wanna get totes trubs in caves. and get tan. smack that.

One day [08 May 2009|12:47pm] i want to write a book about all of the funny shit that happens to me. honestly there are SO many things i never tell anyone about because its not the right time or place or it would just make me look like a horrible person (now)...seriously i think people would die laughing at the stuff i have to say. i cant wait. smack that.

when it comes to dating. [05 May 2009|01:08pm] I will admit that the thought of commitment scares the FN shit out of me. i treat everyone of my relationships like showers. i go in and i do what i need to do...i.e. wash my hair, face, body and shave. and then i get out. i dont sit in the shower and just wait for my skin to get so waterlogged that it gets all gross and wrinkly i never understood how people could just take like 40 minute showers what are you doing in there... anyway i just need to find someone who makes me wanna get pruney with them. this was the worst analogy ever. wow 5 | smack that.

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